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In a romantic encounter, talking about your needs and wants—and theirs—creates some of the most emotionally intimate moments. Getting on the same page is vital, even if the relationship turns out to be short-term. Someone who does not pay attention to what you want, or disregards your feelings, is unlikely to be an ideal partner. And when someone says or shows that they’re not up for it (this time or ever), they too are taking care of their own needs and wishes, and we get to respond in ways that honor their choice.

consensual communication infographic

Less that, more this

I’m not ready

I’m glad you feel able to change your mind

That’s not my thing—but you are

How good is it for you if I…?

No problem—I’m relieved you can say it

We’ll hold off—thanks for taking care of yourself

Would you like to…?

If it doesn’t feel right, say something

Let’s talk about what we want

That’s not for me—how about [this]?

Thanks for hearing me

Back massage? Firmer touch? Just right?

How can I make this work for you?

Still good with this? Keep going?

This is working great for me

You don’t seem super-keen, so I’ll take that as a no

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Have you seen at least one thing on that you will apply to everyday life?
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Article sources

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